So, it turns out i am on a 2 year contract with Orange and after a year my phone is pretty much dead on me. I was unable to make phone calls at 5.30 from York. Being the cancerous old git i am turning into i decided to find out what the shitting crikey was wrong.
The man in the shop was oooooing and errrrrring after i told him the story which generally means he didn't have a sodding clue and i sighed obviously loud when i realised this hoping he would notice and speak to his supervisor. Due to the 2 year contract, this meant that i was not entitled to a free upgrade which sucks a large hairy walnut.
To cut a long story short (too late)...

They decided i could use Emergency Insurance to get a next day delivery replacement phone at the mere cost of £30.00 (bargain) I then was subjected to a heavily accented fella on the phone reading me terms and conditions about the policy...

... The important bit is that i had to surrender my old phone but keep the battery and my sim. They didn't mention the memory card nor the fact i would have to keep the battery cover from my old phone... The Bastards!... I did what they said i followed every last detail. And now they are charging me £25 to try ad locate my old phone so they can return to me what was once mine... if they can find it or not!
Wankers!!!!